Comedy Central airs 60-minute long versions of SNL episodes; this week's episodes (as given on Comedy Central's schedule page) are listed below (all times Eastern). Send me e-mail if you want to receive this information weekly via my SNL schedule mailing list. Mo 16-Dec  12pm  84q  Howard Cosell / Greg Kihn             2pm  90c  George Steinbrenner / The Time             4pm  91a  Michael Jordan / Public Enemy            12am  93a  Charles Barkley / Nirvana Tu 17-Dec  12am  93b  Shannen Doherty / Cypress Hill We 18-Dec   3pm  83j  Michael Palin / The Motels            12am  93c  Jeff Goldblum / Aerosmith Th 19-Dec  12am  xxx  SNL Goes Commercial Fr 20-Dec  11am  88h  Kevin Kline / Bobby McFerrin            12pm  84i  Eddie Murphy / Robert Plant & The Honeydrippers             1pm  88g  Danny DeVito / The Bangles             2pm  88i  Melanie Griffith / Little Feat             3pm  89h  Robert Wagner / Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville             4pm  90i  Dennis Quaid / The Neville Brothers             5pm  80e  David Carradine / Linda Ronstadt & Pirates of Penzance             6pm  82i  Eddie Murphy / Lionel Ritchie             7pm  83h  Flip Wilson / Stevie Nicks            10pm  85f  Teri Garr / Dream Academy, The Cult            11pm  88h  Kevin Kline / Bobby McFerrin            12am  80e  David Carradine / Linda Ronstadt & Pirates of Penzance             1am  84i  Eddie Murphy / Robert Plant & The Honeydrippers Sa 21-Dec  11am  85i  Ron Reagan / The Nelsons Su 22-Dec        none Summaries of this week's episodes (taken from my SNL Episode Guide) are below. Note that each episode likely contains at least one performance by the musical guest(s). *************************************************************************** **** 80e  David Carradine / Linda Ronstadt & cast of The Pirates of Penzance ........................................................................... .... cold: JOP practices his DOP impersonation mono: host tap dances & sings I Wanna Be A Dancin' Man comm: Gun City- (JOP) pitches Christmas firearms in the _style_ of Crazy Eddie skit: Cain (host) gets fashion advice from owner of black menswear shop (EDM) skit: Vickie & Debbie hang out at the mall & talk with boys (JOP) & (CHR) MISC: The Rocket Report- transient Santa Claus (CHR) wanders the streets of NYC skit: Bob Dylan (PAW) & Woody Guthrie (host) converse with song lyrics MISC: Mr. Bill remembers not-so-merry Christmases Past in a WAW film comm: Kung Fu Christmas- a movie starring Cain (host) & Bruce Lee (EDM) comm: turn domestic turmoil into TV drama with The Home Version of Dallas MISC: The Dancing Man - a film by MIK stars BII as a disco-defenseless dude song: musical guest sings O Come Emmanuel song: musical guest sings The First Noel song: musical guest sings Joy to the World *************************************************************************** **** 82i  EDM / Lionel Ritchie ........................................................................... .... cold: planned host Nick Nolte is ill, so EDM introduces The Eddie Murphy Show mono: EDM does stand-up about black people & haunted houses, Stevie Wonder COMM: Rubik's Grenade- Maybe the last puzzle you'll never solve skit: (JOP) & (JLD) see the Kensington Dance Theater For The Blind in action show: Merry Christmas, Dammit!- Sinatra (JOP) sings on Gumby's holiday special misc: HAA tries the bottle-in-a-tube trick with an audience member show: Hairem Scarem- Dion Dion (EDM) denies knowledge of stealing hair for wigs skit  a Herpes Simplex II virus (EDM) returns home from the front lines MISC  jaded children discuss Christmas {rerun} skit: A Special Christmas Message- Jesus' birth, as told by April May June news  Dr. Jack Badofsky lists some Christmas-related medical problems news  May Bradley (ROD) has holiday advice for old people- drink smart egg nogs news  a riled-up MAG offers some of her Christmas pet peeves COMM  Lee Iacocca's (JOP) proud to say Clysler-Prymouth floormats made in USA misc: Steve Martin [real] is hurt because he wasn't called upon to host *************************************************************************** **** 83h  Flip Wilson / Stevie Nicks ........................................................................... .... cold: Blaire's amused when Dion Dion's mother Geraldine (host) visits the salon skit: (host) is an attendant in a cramped airline restroom skit: at Christmastime, Solomon & Pudge discuss shoes & feet misc: host explains how a JOH prop left in a hotel room caused a lot of trouble misc: JOH shows off the transforming devices that enable him to become Agent J skit: a reverend's (host) parishoners agree with him until he asks for money news: Dr. Ruth Westheimer (MAG) points out holiday season sexual imagery news: TIK extends the Truly Tasteless Jokes idea to other literary genres news: BRH offers sample dishes from the Cabbage Patch Cookbook *************************************************************************** **** 83j  Michael Palin / The Motels ........................................................................... .... cold  JOP is upset- they gave him Charlie Chan makeup for a Donahue sketch mono  host's mother [real] interrupts his monologue with requests & advice comm  Boy George Burns (JI, The Man & His Music- a strange TV special show  Mister Robinson's Neighborhood- the dognapper shows how to ransom a pooch comm  Lorne Greene (JOP) for Powerful Living dog snacks- nutrition & religion skit  (host) tries to lease an apartment that contains a main-on-chain (JI comm  Mick Pitwhistle (host) Does It All- his singing is bad in many genres show  That's Okay- (BRH) is stuck when (JOP) wants him to perform his skill MISC  (JI steals the contents of a convenience store from under (GAK)'s nose show  Would You Believe It?- (host)'s high-tech game show has problems show  Would You Believe It?- more technical difficulties during second attempt news  JOP analyzes upcoming Super Bowl XVIII by using the telestrator show  Would You Believe It?- first question is 17-2=?, fedora is accepted news  Dr. Jack Badofsky goes over the types of menopause skit  (host) is the owner of the House of Mutton sheep-themed restaurant comm  (host) says don't worry about the whales, save all those poor plankton skit  Life on the Mississippi- riverboat captain (host) is mentor for (GAK) *************************************************************************** **** 84i  EDM / Robert Plant & The Honeydrippers ........................................................................... .... cold: Alfalfa magnifies a newspaper photo & discovers Buckwheat is still alive MISC: EDM follows up on Junior Griffin's research by experiencing white life skit: Mister Robinson's Neighborhood- the easy way to make a Cabbage Patch Doll SHOW: Life_style_s of the Relatives of the Rich & Famous- Denise Lewis (MAS) skit: Buckwheat staged his death to evade a killer, who turns out to be Alfalfa show: Bishop Tutu (EDM) accidentally ruins Doug Flutie's (RIH) Heisman Trophy misc: Black History Minute- Shabazz K. Morton (EDM) on George Washington Carver skit: the fate of a WWII platoon depends on Lawrence's stair-climbing ability *************************************************************************** **** 84q  Howard Cosell / Greg Kihn ........................................................................... .... cold: on the SNL set, boom mike operators Willie & Frankie talk about pain skit: case of mistaken identity puts hospital patient Ed Grimley on mob hitlist show: Inside Out- easily-surprised (JLD) fires spit-takes at her guests SHOW: Run, Throw & Catch Like A Girl Olympics- host covers the sissy boy events show: Fernando's Hideaway- host talks about his experiences in broadcasting news: a list of which Frenchmen want more sex news: Nathan Thurm defends the creators of Ringling Brothers' Living Unicorn news: Dwight MacNamara explains why dirt shows up on the ChromaKey screen news: Robert Latta (RIH) has _base_ball cards that show the ballp_layer_ & himself *************************************************************************** **** 85f  Teri Garr / Dream Academy, The Cult ........................................................................... .... cold: Cabrini Green takes a Christmas gift to a rapper wrapper (DAW) mono: host & Father Guido Sarducci do I Got You Babe as Popes Lois & Maurice skit: island residents (RAQ) & (host) discuss the latter's price in eggs show: Hildy (TES)- the Deavers' maid rewards herself for saving Christmas song: Dream Academy performs Life In A Northern Town COMM: Trojans on freedom {rerun} misc: Incredible Electric Boy TEL lights up PEJ like a Christmas tree skit: The Big Tree- a disaster movie about a huge, unsafe Christmas decoration song: The Cult performs She Sells Sanctuary *************************************************************************** **** 85i  Ron Reagan / The Nelsons ........................................................................... .... cold: parents are at Camp David, so host engages in White House Risky Business COMM: yuppies are going to Hell {rerun} show: The Pat Stevens Show- Little Richard (DAW) says everyone steals his ideas skit: host goes Back To The Future to Hellcats Of The Navy set to unite parents song: musical guest performs Walk Away misc: upside-down PEJ & TEL do tricks that big-name magicians can't match skit: (JOC) is upset with her boyfriend David's (JOL) Woody Allen obsession song: musical guest performs Do You Know What I Mean *************************************************************************** **** 88g  Danny DeVito / The Bangles ........................................................................... .... cold: Pumping Up With Hans & Franz- cousin Arnold Schwarzenegger [real] visits mono: host loves entering the stage during the opening, so he does it again COMM: Big Red- kids like to watch the toy viking spew goop throughout the house comm: The Bastard Batallion- a movie features a group of uncouth WWII soldiers skit: Buddy Precisely (DAC) to insuffciently-famous diners- wait at the bar show: Sex Tonight- Jessica Hahn (JAH) helps anchor the titillating news program comm: Reclino Love Lounge- Wilford Brimley (PHH) endorses sex chair for seniors skit: Scrooge's (host) philanthropic previous Christmans leaves him tapped out *************************************************************************** **** 88h  Kevin Kline / Bobby McFerrin ........................................................................... .... cold: A Trump Christmas- Magi-like gifts cheer up Donald (PHH) & Ivana (JAH) mono: host is honored to be with the great Shakespearean actor Master Thespian skit: Harold (host) & Meg (VIJ) have marathon sex in alternate Big Chill ending show: Plug Away- Harvey Fierstein (JOL) helps Jimmy Stewart (DAC) self-promote show: Game Breakers- (host) is genuinely concerned about game show contestants *************************************************************************** **** 88i  Melanie Griffith / Little Feat ........................................................................... .... cold: Mephistopheles visits Church Lady in her bedroom on Christmas Eve mono: host talks about the spirit of Christmas while a disclaimer rolls comm: (host) talks about the paternalistic First Guardian credit card service skit: (DAC) reluctantly reclaims his Chapstick after letting people use it show: New Yorker (host) beats a Georgian (JAH) to become Miss Self-Esteem USA MISC: Love Is A Dream - (JAH) has romantic fantasy about (PHH) in a TOS film song: musical guest performs Hate To Lose Your Lovin' skit: Sweeney sisters do medley of prison & Christmas songs for jailed hookers skit: small talk is difficult for secretive operatives at CIA Christmas party misc: Don Johnson [real] joins wife host on-stage at closing *************************************************************************** **** 89h  Robert Wagner / Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville ........................................................................... .... cold: Bush (DAC) talks about the Malta conference & tries not to wake Quayle COMM: Yard-a-pult {rerun} skit: in a restaurant, (JAH) discovers that suave (host) is a very sloppy eater show: Tales Of The Runaway Boulder- a big rock visits three separate couples song: musical guest performs Don't Know Much skit: Attack Of The Masturbating Zombies- small town battles undead autoerotica show: A Betty Ford (JAH) Straight Arrow Christmas- three singers stay drug-free COMM: Binaca's You Make The Call- Barry Goldwater was confused by the lights song: musical guest performs When Something Is Wrong show: In The Middle- (JOL) & (DAC) use (host)'s political analysis to do battle *************************************************************************** **** 90c  George Steinbrenner / The Time ........................................................................... .... COLD: in a dream, host manages the Yankees & plays every position on the field skit: Middle-Aged Man counsels (JAH) on whether her husband is having an affair misc: LOM & ALF explain to host why he's among dictators in a fake Slim-Fast ad COMM: Winston-McCauley Funeral Home {rerun} skit: convenience store owner (host) can't bring himself to fire any employees show: What Was I Thinking?- Shelley Long (JAH), Walter Mondale (DAC), host *************************************************************************** **** 90i  Dennis Quaid / The Neville Brothers ........................................................................... .... cold: Bush (DAC) gives Saddam Hussein a preview of the sounds of war comm: Dysfunctional Family Christmas- album of holiday songs for troubled clans show: Sally Jessy Raphael (JAH)- narcoleptic hunks (host), (PHH), (MIM) comm: The Specialty Songs Of Cal McLane, Jr. (host)- a jingoistic country album news: Annoying Man shows DEM how to make a coffee cake news: Grumpy Old Man rails against shopping malls, Christmas carols, safe toys show: Sprockets- Dieter sings Silent Night; Bavarian TV stars (host) & (CSR) *************************************************************************** **** 91a  Michael Jordan / Public Enemy ........................................................................... .... cold: Wayne's World- Wayne & Garth pick the best & worst of the summer of '91 MONO: douche, porno commercials featuring host that didn't make it to air COMM: Schmitt's Gay Beer- homosexual guys (CHF) & (ADS) live a pool fantasy skit: The First Black Harlem Globetrotter (host) helps integrate basketball show: host joins Bob Swerski & other Super Fans in a Bulls good luck ritual show: The Dark Side- LaToya Jackson (VIJ) & Spike Lee [real] visit Nat X's show misc: NBC page Zoraida (ELC) accosts host- she wants to play one-on-one *************************************************************************** **** 93a  Charles Barkley / Nirvana ........................................................................... .... cold: Clinton (PHH) tells what the health care plan will & won't cover MONO: host goes one-on-one with Godzilla stand-in Barney COMM: NCI Long Distance Company will do whatever you want to get your business show: Daily Affirmation- Muggsy Bogues [real] lends support to host news: Hollywood Minute- DAS gives his thoughts on summer showbiz happenings skit: Gap girls Kristy & Lucy recall unpleasant experience with Skid Row [real] show: Coffee Talk- Linda takes some calls on Yom Kippur MISC: Deep Thoughts- JKH on who would be better off dead *************************************************************************** **** 93b  Shannen Doherty / Cypress Hill ........................................................................... .... cold: Operaman comes within one number of hitting the lottery jackpot MONO: videotape of host's recent wedding shows there was plenty of fighting COMM: Crystal Gravy- the latest in the clear food craze is a transparent sauce show: The Real World- diverse young adults are sensitive to perceived prejudice show: The Denise (host) Show- jilted Brian (ADS) is obsessed with ex-girlfriend song: musical guest performs Insane In The Brain news: ROS narrates some wacky sports bloopers that are actually quite mundane news: Ike Turner (TIM) hits KEN with a cake, then tries to make up with him show  Is It Date Rape?- (host) & (CHF) use Antioch College guidelines to decide skit: early-American lynch mob wants to find (host) guilty at Salem Bitch Trial comm  Michael Eisner (PHH) assures tourists they'll be safe in northern Florida song: musical guest performs I Ain't Goin' Out Like That skit  The Relapse Guy (CHF)- he says he's changed, but he's still unreliable misc  hairdresser Noah (MIM) & wardrober Frans (TIM) give host advice backstage *************************************************************************** **** 93c  Jeff Goldblum / Aerosmith ........................................................................... .... cold: musical guest & other artists sing to protest Michael Jordan's retirement mono: Laura Dern [real] & other audience members think Jurassic Park was real COMM: Nerf Crotchbats {rerun} skit: subway guitarist's (ROS) lyrics contradict what he says while not playing show: Christopher Walken (JAM) & Celebrity Psychic Friends want to visit you MISC: Deep Thoughts- JKH on keys & lava {rerun} skit: at a _base_ball game, wave-starter (host) feels fans don't appreciate him skit: host rents a porno from name-dropping video store owner Karl (DAS) MISC: Office Space - a MIJ cartoon about disgruntled worker Milton *************************************************************************** **** Frank Serpas III     This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ........................................................................... .... - Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text -SATURDAY NET-  http://ccwf.cc.utexas.edu/~serpas/snl.html