WEAKLY HUMERUS NEWS  for the week ending 03-05-04                         AIMED AT YOUR FUNNY BONE                         IN THE NEWS ? THE ELECTION Super Tuesday voters had technical problems with electronic voting machines in three states. Touch screen voting still has a few kinks. In California, John Kerry and John Edwards finished second and third to the Paris Hilton sex video.  (Argus Hamilton) Today was Super Tuesday where ten states got a chance to vote on who should be the Democratic nominee. As expected, the winner in all ten states was The Lord of The Rings. (Jay Leno) Primaries: What we call those old fashioned heterosexual unions. (Gary Hallock) In New York we vote annually. In Chicago they vote Daly. (Robert Dvorak) Today is Super Tuesday and John Kerry is ahead but Edwards will not concede until they count all the absentee ballots of honeymooning lesbians. (David Letterman) Reading from a computer printout, ?And the results of the first electronic voting attempt are ?Dewey defeats Truman? Man says, ?There are still a few bugs in the system? (Steve Breen, San Diego Union-Tribune) A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. (George W. Bush) 2004 Campaign Sketchbook Republican strategy: Comparing picture of Kerry to picture of Dukakis Democrat?s strategy: Comparing picture of Bush to picture of Alfred E. Newman         (J. D. Crowe, The Mobile Register) Data coming out of a large computer, going through a washing machine labeled ?Politics? before landing on Bush?s desk where Bush is smiling. (Steve Sack, Minneapolis Star-Tribune) During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. (Conan O'Brien) Watching TV: ?Bob, neither of the candidates can afford to come clean on this nation?s most divisive issue ... Are low-carb diets good or bad? (Mallard Fillmore: Bruce Tinsley) VOTE FOR BUSH